pre death post

laughing maniacally. . . Lying here, feeling my arteries harden. . . still having trouble, however, actually believing that this is me ME still me being, not getting, older.
I just keep putting off doing those things that will help me live. like working. and then there's the quitting . .or not . . smoking part. I was suddenly very afraid of dying - right then, or in the immediate 'next' tense. both the gray cat and the dog made sudden appearances in my face, so to speak. wrong part of the cat, however, and I had to send her packing, followed by Martina. I was thinking about what Linda told me of her mom's leg veins being totally full of plaque when she died.
goddess bless me, I almost called Joe. That would drive him crazy. Then he'd be sure I was crazy and set about having me committed. So I took an anxiety pill, instead. time will tell if. . .
So far, I've resisted clapping on the blood pressure machine.
I believe I'll take this opportunity to re-post my revised Last Will and Testament. Ah, mortality

Last Will and Testament slightly altered 10-20-2008

I leave everything I possess to my oldest son Joseph M. Zaouk, and his wife, Sandra Zaouk. After he takes what he wants , ** Andrew Bennett, his father Walter Bennett, his wife Leah Bennett; Crystal De Nova, John De Nova and Zoe Angeles, in that order, should get whatever they want, and then someone, for Pete's sake should have a garage sale or use E-Bay. ** My sister, Linda Oliver McCoy of Alva, Florida, should she chose to transport anything, or even FLY out here (little dig there Sis) would be # 2 in line. My youngest son Rached A. Zaouk, if he chooses to make an appearance, will receive his portion of the US Savings bonds (8 or 9 of them in $50.00 denominations) which I have already endorsed over to Joseph M. and Rached A. Zaouk. Omar Zaouk, younger brother of Joseph and Rached Zaouk, may also be interested in salvaging some item or another.
My good friend, Karen Higa, of San Francisco, has promised to take care of my cats should I die. You didn't think I'd forget that did you Karen? If any cash could be squeezed out of my estate to ship her,(the very word 'estate' sets me to laughing hysterically), I know my sister, Linda would take care of my best puppy, Martina. But - I'm planning on outliving all of them, and will more than likely have replacements. When asked if she'll take care of my puppy . . . if, Crystal answers, "Well, duh! But we're not gonna talk about that!" I think I'm gonna need another 5 or more years to get C. settled and aiming higher. Then I'll want to live to see her shining star ascend.